Packet Rat: The Rat sees visions of sugarplums

Heavy snows in early December put a bit of a crimp in the Rat's holiday preparations. Instead of stringing more lights on the burrow roof and putting out lawn decorations, the whiskered one found himself shoveling all weekend.

Packet Rat: The wired one waves a red flag at justice

The Rat always enjoys watching a brutal legal battle between software moguls'especially when it's fought in the court of public opinion.

Packet Rat: Rat won't tolerate any bull from Redmond

'This is the biggest gathering of vaporware developers since ... well, the last Microsoft Developers Conference,' the Rat sighed as he slid through the crowd at Microsoft Corp.'s recent coder shindig.

Packet Rat: Revenge, a dish best served cold'and wet

Information just wants to be free, as the freeware freaks say, but there are limits. Armed with camera-equipped mobile phones and weblogs, digital voyeurs have been posting snapshots of health club locker rooms and personal pimples, complete with Global Positioning System coordinates.

Packet Rat: Packet Rat roves for raves

On a crisp fall Sunday afternoon at Baltimore's Inner Harbor, the Rat was busy maxing out the newest WiFi hotspot by downloading the latest set of security patches to his notebook PC.

Packet Rat: The Rat retreats behind an e-moat

Fresh back from New York and sporting an'I Survived the Blackout' T-shirt over his button-down and tie, the Rat entered the networkcontrol bunker to try to do an honest day's work in between boondoggles.

Packet Rat: The Big Apple bites back

'There's no hot water in this hotel,' Mrs. Rat complained. 'Our first trip away from the ratlings, and we've got no hot water.'

Packet Rat: The Rat plays Poindexter Powerball

'Gosh, Adm. Poindexter was a real fountainhead of comedic material, wasn't he?' the Rat's wife observed over breakfast with herajetlagged spouse.

Packet Rat: The Rat encounters the dark side of the source

As the Rat squeezed through the ventilation ducts of a certain office park in Redmond, Wash., he reflected on how his life had gone awry.

Packet Rat: The Rat opens a Window to let some hot air in

When the Homeland Security Department this month announced a $110 million deal to standardize on Microsoft Windows applications, the Rat went through four of the five stages of loss.

Packet Rat: The Rat abridges freedom of the press plane

Nothing, it seems, is as simple as it used to be, especially when it comes to Rat family vacations.

The Rat's e-work strategy backfires

As the wired one's workload escalates and Mrs. Rat pressures him to take time off for the family, the national holiday has become i-Dependence Day.

Packet Rat: To federal wooers'send flowers, not e-mail

In the world of business, Army Col. Kassem Saleh would have to be considered the ultimate mergers and acquisitions man. In diplomacy, he might have found a final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian schism, or at least a way to get the two sides in a mood to talk.

Packet Rat: The new Rat, in sheepskin clothing

'From now on, you may refer to me as His Excellency the Right Honorable Dr. Rat, Ph.D., Esq.,' the Rat informed his spouse. 'Oh, and did I forget Doctor of Theology?'

Packet Rat: The Rat schemes to keep his able-bodied geeks

A few weeks of digging trenches in Qatar's hardpan to bury fiber conduit was enough to renew the wired one's enthusiasm for the finer things of life'air conditioning, indoor plumbing and the absence of sandstorms.

Packet Rat: 'Ax not what your country can do for you'

The Rat arrived in the Arabian Gulf with even less dignity than he had anticipated. Flying strapped into a payload tube under a Global Hawk unmanned aerial vehicle,he felt his stomach rise into his throat. He was in free fall.

Packet Rat: The desert Rat goes tactical

'I can't believe they let him fly a fighter jet,' the Rat griped as he watched the president address the crew of the USS Lincoln.

Packet Rat: The Rat draws a line in the sand

When last heard from, the Rat was flirting with the idea of applying for an IT position with the transitional Iraq government. Then he was stirred from restless sleep by a phone call telling him to pack a bag.

Packet Rat: The Rat hatches his own regime change

None

Packet Rat: If only tax returns were rocket science

The Rat has learned two important lessons this month. First, if one's eldest offspring ever dreams up a science fair project involving the term 'rocket-propelled,' find a way to redirect him or her toward phototropism in plants.

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